As you know, I like to lay down tracks for a monthly focus, as much for myself as for you – loose, broad brushstrokes to help guide our daily doings as well as moments of mindful practice and prayer.

As May was winding down, I didn’t feel a strong directive as to a focus for June; nothing was raising its hand, asking for attention. Until one of the last mornings of May, when just one word popped in: FIRE.

Even as I type that, I feel hot.

Partially because I live in Colorado and we are now nearly always under threat of wildfire, so the idea of invoking fire feels a little dangerous, even reckless.

Then there’s the notion of Hot Feelings – anger, rage, [the burn of] hurt, [the heat of] shame, judgement, hatred and the like. These topics often skirted in favor of “polite conversation” so that we don’t accidentally singe someone with the fire of feeling or tread into fearsome territory.

Add to that the fact that I’m an Earth sign in traditional astrology, so fire isn’t generally an element that feels balancing for me.

This is the very reason that I’m going all in with FIRE as our theme for this month. Both to give us all permission to turn toward the fiery aspects of our nature, as much as to encourage us to look at how we can direct our fire, hone its potency and forego destruction, even as we unleash the fires in full.

This month, I’ll be addressing the topics of apology, anger and conflict avoidance. Fire as fuel, a source for transmutation.

I hope you’ll join me to investigate how your fires might wish to be tended for the month. And how we can help each other to direct the fire of both the dragon and the muse so that they serve us well in our growth and transformation.

With a burning heart,
Kimberly

::

I GREW UP BELIEVING THAT MY FIRE NEEDED TO BE TEMPERED. TAMPED DOWN. A BELIEF STRENGTHENED OVER TIME BY CIRCUMSTANCE AND IGNORANCE ABOUT IDENTIFYING AND RELEASING CHILDHOOD DEFENSE MECHANISMS. THE BELIEF AMPLIFYING TENFOLD AS I MOVED OUT OF COLLEGE AND ENTERED THE CORPORATE WORLD IN MY EARLY 20S.

I remember being told over and over that my “spirited opinions” voiced in team meetings and to executive committees were too strong. My advocacy for better systems and interpersonal communication a little too idealistic. My fervor for excellence so very uncomfortable for others.

At first, I learned to tone things down. Sew my lips shut, even when I could feel the wrongness of something, being party to a situation that made my skin crawl.

At some point, things started to change for the worse. My fires of passion started getting muddled and mixed with the fires of rage, the heat of disappointment. I learned the art of passive aggression. Zeal acidified into anger covered by smiles. Masks upon masks of “proper behavior” applied as the fire still smoldered underneath so that I could survive and “be successful” in the world I had chosen.

AND THEN EVENTUALLY, ILLNESS. MY BODY UNABLE TO ABSORB THE HEAT I WAS MAKING IT HOLD, DAY IN AND DAY OUT. DIGESTIVE DISTRESS. CHRONIC FATIGUE. RECURRENT VERTIGO.

I won’t kid you and say that I’ve got it all mastered now. That I’m a paragon of balanced emotional expression and can expertly dismantle or instantly redirect every molecule of intensity as it arises.

However, I can say that now I’m all for bringing that heat into the boxing ring, rather than suppressing it and allowing it to burn internally as something twisted and unmet.

I use the imagery of a boxing ring because it has a particular vibe for me. It stands as an open arena. One of chosen exposure. Nothing to be hidden in the shadows. Where one is allowed – encouraged – to put on the gloves and take things to the mat. (Please realize that I’m speaking about meeting myself in the boxing ring – the place where my internal fires can be properly tended.)

As part of this analogy, I work intentionally to move with agility and well-directed reflex in the ring so that I’m simultaneously working things out without getting hurt in the process. Light on my feet, looking myself in the eye, sweating things out in a healthy way.

This is most assuredly a road less traveled. Allowing our fire to show itself and burn fully.

Not with the idea that we give ourselves permission to blithely destroy, ignore fire lines set down for everyone’s safety. But rather that we learn to work with a controlled burn, as we say in wildfire country. When we light the fire intentionally, oxygenate it, watch it carefully, direct it, let it burn all the way down to the ground, a full cycle nurtured and welcomed.

(Hence the boxing ring as a staging area for controlled burns.)

FIRE IS A NECESSARY PART OF THE CYCLE OF LIFE. ELEMENTAL BALANCE. IF A FIRE IS SUPPRESSED FOR TOO LONG, WHEN UNLEASHED, IT WILL CLEAR THE DECKS, BURN THROUGH FLESH AND BONE WITHOUT REMORSE.

The same is true with our own fires. We must learn to embody the tenets of controlled burns through repetition – meeting our internal fires again and again in all its myriad forms – so that when we do have a surge of heat, a moment when there is an excess of red-hot flame, we know how to work with it, direct it along pathways that allow it to safely burn … and eventually burn out.

One final piece that I’ll lay out here for you to consider as well:

Fire can elevate and create as well as deconstruct and destroy.

When we give our internal “creation fires” full rein, stoking our passions, interests, curiosities and desires on a regular basis, we set the stage to better manage and work with the hottest fires of anger, blame and judgement when they arise. Creation fires teaching our mind and body how to move with excess heat and amplified energy which, in turn, give our system a map for moving with and through the most intense energies with less chance of harm (to self and other).

Lots of kindling here (I know, I know – I keep doing this lately – the puns). Please join me for the rest of the month as I fan the flames.